//Father\

  The thing I saw was vivid. Part of me still thinks it was a hallucination, yet part of me believes it was real. But how could it be? Could I possibly be what he told me? Or am I just misunderstanding his messages?
  Even if I was what I am thinking I may be…How would that even change my life? I have no skills at all outside of technology, and the little I know about the world. If only Victor could show me what he did Shady…She was inspired, I think…If only I had the knowledge. I could save my Ladies, Timothy, Lucas, and all the others. Perhaps I could even bring Ronald back. Who knows what I would be capable of?
  But within that short vision…Oh, how real it felt! All the wounds and pain and confusion. The regret and hatred. And love. All the love…That I was able to finally meet my family. See how I came to be who I am…who I was before all of this. All the memories that I saw before me…every lost piece of time I lacked.
  I have no idea where they all went. I looked for Timothy and he was not there…I stumbled into the forest and limped on. My left eye was gone now, its empty socket covered only by a light piece of cloth I ripped from my skirt and tied around my head. I could tell the blood was seeping through, as everything got hazy and I went limp against a tree.
  Everything was like static, shifting and buzzing. I could only see out of my right eye now. 


“Trinity.”


  I heard a man’s voice, and had to turn my head to see his figure standing there, only several feet away. He was blurry, just like everything else I could see on my right side, but I could tell he had hair like mine - the color of dead grass and hay.


“Who are you?”
“You don’t recognize me?”
“N-no…Who are you?!”


  He looked almost…disappointed. As far as I could tell.


“I said who are you!”
“You are Carol Thatcher, twelve years old, nicknamed Trinity by your older brother. A loved little girl whose pain is hidden beneath a smile and pretty face.”
“I did not ask who I am.”
“But you should.”
“W-what?”
“You do not even know who you are.”
“I know who I am!”
“No you don’t.”


  I was getting angry, and weaker. I slid down the trunk of the tree and onto the wet ground. I closed my eyes.


“You don’t know who you are, Carol, and that is why I’m telling you.”
“Hell! Why are you here?!”
“I came to aid you.”
“Aid me how?”
“Well, you should know.”


  He gestured to my eye and I turned my head a bit, so that I could still see him from the corner of my eye.


“Soon you will faint from blood loss, and if you stay out here alone, eventually die.”
“So why do you care? You don’t seem to be helping much.”


  He chuckled, then stepped forward and kneeled near me. He took something from his pocket after taking off the ragged cloth, then tied the new ribbon-like material around my head, covering the gap where my left eye should have been. Then he sat down and stared at me.


“That has a symbol on it. The symbol for wisdom.”
“Who…are…you?”


  He sighed, and stood back up. I couldn’t see him.


“I am someone you knew…Someone who loved you very much.”
“…What?”
“I raised you when you were an infant.”
“Are you saying that you are my Father?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, Carol. Both your mother and I raised you. We cared so much about you.”
“How?! What? I…If you are my Father than why can’t I remember you?”
“I’m assuming the ones you call ‘Siblings’ erased all your memory of us once they took you.”


  That hit me hard. Is that why I can’t remember Ronald at all from before I ended up in the Cage? I know I could always remember Timothy…but why not my family?


“Carol,” He kneeled down again so I could see his face. His eyes…they were just like Ron’s. Deep green like the tops of trees. My Father looked just like Ronald. I tried not to, but when I began to cry, he reached out and touched my face.


“My baby girl…Oh, I love you so much, Carrie.”
“D…Dad…”
“What is it, Carol?”
“Where is my Mother?”


  He frowned and looked away…and suddenly I knew what was going on. Looking into Ronald’s eyes I saw everything unfold in front of me. Every single memory I ever lost…Every birthday, Christmas, family movie night, and every. Damn. “I love you”. It all happened.
  When I was seven Daddy took me to the amusement park and got cotton candy for Ron and I to share. And all the others, too…Dan, Becca, Megan. All three of them. How could I ever forget?!


“Where are they?!”


  Tears streamed down my face now. I couldn’t even tell if my left eye-hole was crying or not.


“Carrie…”
“Where. Are. They?!”






“You killed them.”




  NO. NO! NONONONO! HOW?! HOWHOWHOW??? Why…Why??!! No…no…no no no! I remembered it then! Not only Tim! Dan, Becca, Megan too! How? Could? I? I’m a monster! I’m a fucking monster! My Brothers and my Sisters…I can’t believe it…They were asleep. I had run away, into the forest. I…stabbed…every one of them…except…Ronald. I couldn’t. I just… couldn't.
  Then they took Mommy…OH GOD. OH GOD NO. NO. NO! All her…all the…Mommy…


“Carol.”


  I’m still here…


“I have to tell you something.”
“T-t-t-tell…tell…”
“Carol, listen! You have to promise not to break. This is very important.”
“Break…break?”
“If you let yourself cave in, this will all end and you’ll loose everything you’ve known.”
“What…”
“Carrie, listen to me! What you just saw would be lost to. But everything else…everything would be gone forever. No matter how much you want to forget what you did, you can’t lose yourself!”
“Lose…myself…”


  I was shaking. So. Fucking. Hard. I couldn’t stop. But he kept coming closer…a dark pit closed behind him and I watched him get shredded inside. Ugh…No…Stop it, Daddy…Stop it…


“Carrie, can you see what’s happening?”


  He was…alive? How…His voice…


“Carol…I need you to calm down and focus. Close you eyes and relax. Hold my hand.”


  His hand was there. I let my mind empty.


“Remember what I said. Don’t let yourself break.”
“O-okay…Daddy…”


  Everything suddenly shifted out of place. Nothing made sense. But…Megan was there. And Mommy. They were on the swings…What was going on? Then it exploded. Everything. I was a computer, downloading every piece of data I lacked. I was being hacked into, a virus spreading through my and corrupting my memory.


“Don’t let go, Carol!”


  It hurt so badly! I wanted to open my eye, but the pressure was too strong, pushing against my whole body like a huge weight. 


  Then it ended.
  Everything was white.
  All around me, the forest started to reload again…I was back by the tree trunk. Though…Daddy wasn’t there anymore.


“Daddy?”


“Dad?”


“Carol…”


  It was only a whisper now…almost sounding like it echoed merely within my own mind.


“Daddy?!”
“Don’t break, Carrie…”
“Where are you?”
“The worst is yet to come…”
“DADDY!”


  The silence ate at me, and I started to cry again.


“Wait…”
“D…Da-”
“Trinity.”
“Yes…”


“You are not human.”
























He’s right. I’m a monster.

//gone\

Tim's gone. My eye is gone.


Oh, god, what happened? Have I lost everything? I..I have something covering the empty spot now, somehow it's easier to see...But, it's different. I don't know.


We're being kept by...MASC? Something like that. I can't think very well. But how can I type? Oh, Dia...Why Dia? Why am I thinking of her now? I don't know why I think of anything but Timothy. Timothy...


He just disappeared. I don't know where he went. I'm trying everything, everything, to find him again. Somehow...


I will. I'll try. But what can I do? I'm so scared now, Dia. I want...I want you to rescue me. How can you, though? Why do I rely on everyone to take care of me? Why can't I be like Ronald?


No. No. Tim searched four years for me. I'll do the same for him. But, no. How can I? What am I supposed to do? Why am I so confused? What about my Ladies? So many questions...how can I answer them all?


I don't know, Dia. Dia? I hear the voices now. Sybil. Threnody. Something else, I do not know. Nothing. I know nothing...How can I live like this?


I saw something...in the woods. My father. I have sisters, I have a mother. Or do I?


Oh, Dia...Please...don't let yourself into trouble.

//Baby Talk\

  This morning has been one of the most frightening experiences of my life. I mean...one not including Proxies or violence. A non-Slenderman/Proxy related scary experience. There we go. :)




  Mystery was bothered by that dream, but she doesn't think Thuggee sent it to her. Anyway, I was sitting on Tim's bed while he was in the kitchen, I believe, trying unsuccessfully to make some new clothing for Rodi. Mystery came in and said she wanted to talk to me, quite nervously...I thought I was in trouble at first, when she shut the door and stared at me for a while, her hands clasped tightly by her legs. It was suspicious, though, how embarrassed she looked when she came in. 


"What's going on, Mystery?"


  I had thought about saying, "What's up?" but thought it might have been weird if I did. I heard it on TV once, but those shows aren't very realistic.
  She was blushing just a little, not really looking me in the eyes.


"I saw your comment on my post, Trina. About my dream."


"I...I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?"


"No, no! I just figured...you know, since you're a big girl now, sharing a bedroom with a boy, I should talk to you...about the rules."


"What rules? I know how to be good."


"Oh, yes, I know. But since you were talking about...babies...you must know then, at least what happens in a bedroom..." She looked really embarassed. "With a boy and a girl?"


"Um...they sleep together?"


  This was getting uncomfortable.


"Not exactly, Trinity..."


"I don't get it. What are you trying to say?"


"Trina..." Mystery finally looked at me and took a deep breath, slapping her hands on her thighs. "You know there has to be a Mommy and a Daddy to make a baby, right?"


"Yes."


"And before the baby is born, it grows bigger and bigger in the Mommy's belly?"


"Uh-huh..."


"But before any of that happens...They have to...make the baby first."


"Oh...Well, I never really spent much time thinking about it. That wasn't exactly the first thing on my list."


  And that's when she explained it to me. The whole thing. During it, my face probably looked like I was watching someone eat their own feces...But that couldn't even come close to how gross I felt during this conversation. I'm just glad...SO GLAD that Timothy wasn't in the room during this...awful...terrible experience. That reminds me...I better not be there if she decides to talk to Tim about...this.


"But...Mystery...That's awful. A watermelon-sized object isn't supposed to come out of a pea-sized hole!"


  You're probably wishing I hadn't shared that thought with you. But I did.
  At least you haven't been scarred so badly, you'll never feel comfortable sleeping next to your male friend again...He will always be a reminder of the day Mystery ruined my childhood.


  But I still love Mystery.

//the Happy Voice\

  Something odd happened today. I got a visitor that I wasn't expecting. I mean, ever since Threnody came and left, warning of another visit from someone named 'Sybil', I've been keeping a close eye out from anything weird. I've kept my toy close by, staying near the house, not playing much. I can tell Timothy's a bit worried...He even asked me what was wrong, but didn't persist, since he knows we're all still on edge, no matter how much hasn't happened that we thought already should have.
  I spoke about the voice named Threnody I heard, and also may have seen, sitting out on the tire swing. That was scary...It wasn't the same this time, when I was outside on the edge of where I was pretty sure the wards were set up, looking out into the forest. Just relaxing. I could hear a bit of chatter inside, though I couldn't really tell whose voice was whose. Tim's been keeping himself busy...Although at times I kind of feel guilty for leaving him alone. But anyway...I didn't move much, just zoned out a bit. The calmness of the forest seemed to swipe me away from reality. I was...happy. That's when I heard a voice again. This one was different...sort of off in the distance, yet everywhere at once, just like Threnody's. It was a little girl's voice this time, maybe a couple years younger than me...Still, I wasn't going to let that get my guard down. I stood up and got ready to attack it, or even run, if something came out that I wasn't expecting. But...what was I expecting?


Trinity!~


  Her voice came out somewhat sing-songy...melodic, yet still sounding young. It was slowly getting closer, my arms shaking.


I see a little thatch! Here I come, out from this patch!~


  I jumped as a shrub started rustling. Out from it came a girl, around my age, wearing some sort of silly costume. An odd looking hat was crooked on her head of messy, bright blond hair, with a long curly orange thing hanging down from the top of it. Her garb looked like an old jester's outfit, with jingle bells and everything. Her face...wasn't scarred or anything. In fact, she seemed totally untouched. She even looked a little bit like myself, beside her eyes and skin tone differing from my own.
  I couldn't help but stand and stare as this small thing emerged from the bushes, jingling as each foot stepped forward. We both stood there, looking at each other...My head tilted slightly in confusion, her head mimicking mine, and a bright smile on her tanned face. Suddenly, she jumped up, higher than I've ever seen a child leap before, landing on the other side of me. I made sure to follow her every movement, still ready to defend myself at any moment. But there she was, just skipping and dancing about, plucking away on a lute I never noticed she had before. She turned to me after a moment, took a deep breathe, and starting quickly strumming the strings of her mini instrument.


I came to visit you, as you can see! When I heard it was my turn, I said, 'Whoopie!'~


  I have to admit, she was kind of cute, prancing around and singing in that high voice. Still, some things appearing to be cute can be deadly. Dollmaker, for example. But anyway, she did make me laugh just a bit.


I like to rhyme, as you can see. Truthfully it's quite fun for me! I like to dance and run and play. I also sing instead of say!~


  Alright...By this point, I'd let my toy drop to the ground, as I started jogging after her. She was spinning now, starting down the path, but stopped when she say me still standing near the mansion. So she skipped, twirling, back up, grinning when she saw me smile.


Spinning's fun, and also free! Oh yes, hello, I'm Jubilee!~


  I nodded at her, still following her wherever she would roam, picking up my toy and keeping it halfway in my pocket, just in case. I didn't exactly know what was going on, so when she stopped whirling around, looking more than a bit dizzy, I leaned back on a tree and decided to ask.


"Miss Jubilee...You're very nice. I would like to ask, though, where you came from. And why you're here."


  Jubilee smiled up at me, reaching into her pocket as I readied myself to duck and run. Instead of a weapon, she pulled out another instrument, a flute, and began tooting away on it, hopping up and down in circles around the tree.


I come from somewhere you know well, sometimes a park, sometimes a cell. The reason for me being here...


  She paused to play the flute a little, then beamed up at me and continued.


Your happiness came back, my dear!~


"What do you mean, 'my happiness', though? And...I don't get what you're telling me."


Do you remember Threnody? She was quite sad and unhappy. So what would you call someone like her? Her goals in life all becoming a blur.~


"You know Threnody?!"


  I stood back and frowned, her smile disappearing. She started getting paler...paler...Until she lifted up the lute and did her dance again. I couldn't help but smile and dance with her. She repeated her question.


"She was...Pessimistic, I guess."


Pessimistic? Well, not quite. Her attitude is dark as night. She's lost the point there is to live. Depressing advice she is to give.~


"Then...she's...she acts...she's lost all hope."


Hopelessness! That is the word! As sad as a lost, flightless bird. Now what would you call me, my friend? Your memory we must mend.~


"If she's Hopelessness...Are you...Happiness?"


  Suddenly, Jubilee leaped up and shouted, taking out her flute and loudly blowing one continuous note into my ear. I cringed and backed up, tripping over a branch. She ran over to me and dragged me onto my feet, squeezing my hand as I was pulled behind her.


Happiness, I am, indeed! And joy is something everyone needs. Now that you know what we represent, do you understand our true intent?~


  I was trying to remember what she said earlier. When I asked where she came from, and why...A place I knew well. Sometimes pleasant, sometimes not. My happiness came back...I was starting to get it. Just a little bit.


"Are you my Happiness, Jubilee? Is that why I can hear you in my head?"


Yes, yes, yes, you've got it right! I knew you'd think with all your might. I was there when you were glad! Happy, joyous, but never sad.~


"So then...Threnody must be my Hopelessness?"


  Jubilee nodded at me, finally standing still as she plucked some more on her tiny lute. She was still smiling, tapping her feet in those curled shoes, jingling with each little movement.


"So then who is Sybil?"


Well of course there is not only two! Why, then, you'd only be joyful or blue! Oh no, there are many others. Until they are felt, they hide under the covers!~


  She hopped up again, and kept dancing around, singing some other words I weren't really listening to. I still don't get it...some of it, at least. It was different, not normal, being able to hear someone when their mouths don't move, and everywhere at once, even though you've discovered they're your own emotions. And there are more of them, too. I just wish I knew what they were...Of course there are going to be bad ones. Threnody is bad enough, so now I know whenever I'm sad she'll be hanging around, bugging me again. I can't imagine what anger will be like.
  We spent a while just playing together. I pushed her on the swing for a bit while she played her flute, then we went walking by the garden till we reached a rather large puddle. I didn't see it...I stepped into it by accident, and my sneaker was flooded with muddy, gross, cold water. When I looked for her, starting to cry just a bit, she wasn't there. I didn't hear her or anything. I went around the whole mansion, inside and out, calling for her...If she really is my Happiness, I guess she disappeared when I got my shoe wet. I wasn't happy anymore...I expected to see Threnody there, but nothing happened.


  Did that really happen in my head?
  I'm really starting to doubt whether I'm truly sane.

//Voices\

  I know this is not good...I know I might be crazy. No...No, I am crazy. I already know that much. I've been crazy ever since I got here. I just wouldn't say it. I'm sure Ronald knew it too, as does Shady and the others. Of course, aren't we all really crazy? I know my adviser is...I'm pretty sure Lullaby is too. I hope she doesn't get mad I'm saying this, though.
  The point I'm trying to get to is that...I heard something earlier this evening. Sort of like a whisper. I thought it was just me...But I don't know anymore. I could tell it was a woman's, or maybe a girl's, voice.


hey...


  I'm always paranoid, so I spun around, looked everywhere. Then grabbed my "toy" from its secret place.


i'll be seeing you soon...


  It didn't come from one place...It was sort of all over the room. I couldn't figure it out so I got my toy ready and stood still.


you'll meet my friends. hope you don't die before then...hehe...


  I didn't even call out at this point.


my name's Threnody. not that it matters much. labels don't have much meaning in the end, do they? whether it's George or Julie or Mike...it's always the same, anyway.


  It wasn't anyone I knew. I got ready to attack it...The voice was coming closer. This was weird...But I thought I saw someone outside on the swing.


but whatever. you'll see, thatch. they'll be coming when you need them. when you feel them. Sybil's looking forward to your visit a lot...until then...


  Then it just faded. I don't know...what happened. Who's Sybil? Threnody? I'm so confused...I don't want to tell my Ladies, but I'm sure they'll see this anyway. They'll think I'm crazy. But who cares anyway? I am crazy. 




She was right. What does it matter anyway when I know how things will end? How they always end...

//Dia\

Dia,


  I am doing quite fine, my Lady. I have been enjoying this time of relaxation...
  I have met you too. It has been a great gift to me...all the friends I have made, new Siblings I've gained. This life is difficult, but there are many joys that hide among the sorrows and fear that we know so well/ I must let you know that although now we are enjoying this time together, I am still very cautious of what may lay ahead of us. So many eyes are watching us, or more specifically Mystery and Shady...I know that they are just waiting for a moment of vulnerability, a moment to strike. It frightens me, Sister...Although I feel much better knowing you are not here, where all the trouble brews.


  Lady Lullaby did my face the other day. She made me beautiful, just like Shady. I wondered if Mystery would allow me to make my hair colorful like my Lady's...I would prefer a faint shade of blue, though, instead of purple. I think I would look just as lovely as my Ladies...They are the most gorgeous women in the whole world, Dia! I am sure you are beautiful as well. Just like your heart and your wisdom.


  I have not mentioned this in a while since it has happened, but Lullaby made me a doll, just like the Dollmaker, just darker. I have named her 'Rodi'. She's a very pretty girl. Lullaby does hard work for us all, despite all that's happened to her in the past. She has a kind soul. I used to be frightened of her when the Dollmaker lived inside of her, but now I see that she is quite pleasant. I've discovered what best friendship really is with her. I love her dearly.
  I hope that you fair well, dear Sister. You are kind, and do not deserve to be treated badly. That is why, if anyone shall ever make you feel unsafe, or threaten you, it would be my pleasure to personally bring a painful end to them. I feel that it is my duty to protect my Ladies, and all my friends. All who have shown kindness to me.


I wish I had more to talk about...Although this is all that has really happened since I last posted. We have been trying to ignore the bad things, and continue with our lives. I've been trying so hard to do what my precious Shady says, to be a child again. I wish you could come to visit us...

//joyhopehappinesslove\

  There are so many things I feel right now! I am joyful, I am happy, I am hopeful! I love my Lady, and she is back! My Ladies are all here. Mystery, Shady, Lullaby! I suggest that we all have an ice creams party, and Timothy, Lucas, Drake, and Ecko can come too. We will have triple chocolate ice creams in cones, with whipped cream on top and sprinkles and cherries! Unless the others do not like cherries...I only like them on ice creams.
  The storms kept us up. Mystery was very nervous I believe, as she kept jumping more than I at each sound of thunder. I was feeling uncomfortable as well, though...I think of all the Siblings that could be watching us...hidden. It makes me worry too much.




  I made gifts for everyone. I will keep them hidden until the ice creams party. There is one for my Lady, Lullaby, Mystery, Liam, Drake and Ecko, and...there is also one for Victor. I realize that they are not the best, but Ronald said that the best gifts are made by the hands of the giver. That was the time when I drew him a picture of the nature with a little box of crayons he gave to me. He did not make those...although he gave them to me so that I could make something of them. I had to hide them under my clothing in the Cage or the Siblings would take them away and lash us. Ronald...He liked the picture.
  He still had it when we buried him. He kept it in his pocket. It never wrinkled.