Monday, September 26, 2011

//fucked up\

  That's what I did. I fucked up, big time.

  There he was, I had him right there the whole entire time, and I let them get away - again, with Timothy. God, I don't know why I messed up like this. I shouldn't have messed up so badly!

  I tracked them down to the motel. Apparently, they already checked out...Tim wasn't going to be there anyway, but I figured maybe I'd find some clue as to where this "safehouse" was going to be found. And I did. I couldn't get into their room...The guy at the desk kept eyeing me really weirdly, probably wondering what a little girl was doing roaming around the lobby, looking under desks and coaches, right up until the point where I was asked to leave. Damn, I thought that was going to be it.
  But on my way out a saw a crunched up piece of paper, just around the corner of the building. It was written for a Kobolt - the man working with Candle. Or at least I assumed, seeming as it pretty much implied that with his name written at the top, like a homework paper or something (I've learned a lot; I'm not sheltered anymore.)It said something like, "Take this many steps to the right, this many to the east-" etc, etc, etc. I can't really look back to tell you the exact words, as I'd thrown it away as soon as I'd reached the broken down shack-like structure halfway in the middle of the woods. God, this guy must be huge, because I literally had to take three times the amount of steps this way and that to finally reach the place.
  But when I saw it...I somehow just got this feeling I was right. I got out my gun, and slowly tiptoed inside, anticipation sending shutters through me until I was practically having convulsions of nervousness. No one was inside, and it was small, so I spent what seemed like forever searching the place for something - anything! And then I found it. A small trap door right underneath my foot. But I couldn't pry it open. Luckily there was a whole forest behind me, where I found one gigantic tree limb and pulled open the tiny wooden door, which led to a stairwell, and down to the figure of a man...and Tim.
  I couldn't help it! I called down to him, distracting who I thought to be Kobolt, and pretty much lured him up onto the first floor of the safehouse. God...Timothy's hair is white! White! I didn't get it.

"What did you do to him?!" I screamed at the man, holding out the gun like I owned the place. "Why does he look old?!"

"An experiment or something," He replied. He probably knew it was me, so I started shooting at him.

  He charged right back, full force, like some angry bull on one of those videos Ron showed me before. So strong, huge, compared to a tiny pre-teen like me. I got him in the arm once, the force of each shot making me want to topple over like a bowling pin. And when he knocked into me, just like a giant cannon, I was pushed up into a tree. My eyes strung - or rather, my eye - and the rest of me just plain hurt like hell.
  And that's when he came. Candle. He knew he'd fucked up, just like me, leaving the man-bull with Timothy alone. He probably didn't find me to be such a huge threat to his idiotic "plan" when they started out. I keep thinking, "What do they want with him anyway?" But I still don't have an answer. And I didn't think right then was a good time to ask. So I kept shooting.
  Then...I don't even know what the hell happened. They got away somehow. The throbbing in my...everything, distracted me. I have no idea how I let them get away with him. I didn't even get to say goodbye, no, nothing to him at all.

  So Sybil came to visit. No wonder. I'm pretty fucking sure I've gone completely batshit crazy on this epic adventure anyway. But I don't really mind. I've changed a lot, haven't I? Looking back at my older small and unknown I was back then. I thought things damn happy all the time. Well, they're not. And if I had the chance to go back in time and teach myself these things, I would.
  Oh Ron. God, Ron, why can't you be here now?!


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. trinity.......what a simply excellent name. you know the number three is my favorite number??? it truly is. so many good things associated with it. to some degree, id even say it represents wholeness in a being.

    trinity, look. im not going to pretend i know the fact, im a bit older then you and even i am not in your sad state of affairs (once again, if there is a god, hes got some damn answering to do. a kind girl like you shouldn't be forced into this demented hell before she can even enjoy her childhood fully.....but that's neither here nor there)and the fact that you still live, proves that you have fucked up very little. because though i may not have ever met the tall one, Ive watched the people who have.
    and when they make a mistake. a mistake that they could've prevented. they font live from it. periode.
    stay strong trinity. very strong. strong just as you are now. for as a wise man once said "those who are the smartest and those who are the strongest must almost always be at least a bit insane"
    and you, dearest trinitas, are the strongest and brightest young girl, soon to be young woman, ive ever watched.

    also, think of this. for i know first hand what its like to know the world isnt happy when you really dont need to know. if youdve told yourself back then, your former self simply would've wallowed in self grief at the truth, for she would have no way to fight against this sadness. it wasn't effecting your life yet; telling yourself then would've been like letting loose a demon upon you before you could fight it.

    at least now that this thing has tainted your life, you have an enemy...a which to fight.

    you are strong trinitas. learn to see the woman in the mirror, instead of looking at the child in the picture frame.

    wishing you a break from hell, and perhaps even a bit of peace (or piece of mind)

  3. Thank you, Brother. You're truly...You're truly amazing. This has uplifted me. Thank you so much.

    I'm glad...that I have friends. Gaining more each moment, it seems. I have a real family, wherever I go, it seems.